so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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