Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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