In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
