just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
