i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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