Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
