Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
