Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i believe in u and ur pee
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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