I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it glows. i had to have it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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