So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
