it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
