She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
