Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
