Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
