If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
