I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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