What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
