Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's never too late to be topless.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
