That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The air was thick with penises
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
