I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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