Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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