Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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