it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
