I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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