I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
