My friends, they love my intelligence
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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