I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
