i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
