I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
