ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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