went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
