East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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