I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
