It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
