This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
