i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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