If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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