Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
