Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
