Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
foreskin is a definite game changer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
