You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
