Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
