the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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