the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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