I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
