you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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