Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize