I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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