Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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