If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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