You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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