What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want nice things and good sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
