You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
