Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
