I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
