Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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