hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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