I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
