Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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