hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
