Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize