I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
