i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
