Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
