oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
