Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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