Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
NoShamevember. You game?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
