Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have post one night stand depression
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