Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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