I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
