Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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