We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
