I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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