i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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