Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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