Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
