Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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