There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
