I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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