4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
