im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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