I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
