Even the bartender felt bad for me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
